Tag Archives: fate

I May Have Been Naughty but I Have a Good Heart

My painting of Meher Baba

My painting of Meher Baba

(Published in Ascent Aspirations)

Serious Eyes

There is a small baby
Behind everything

If you look carefully
You will see
Her serious eyes

And the selfless gesture
The chubby fist
Offering you her rattle

You must see through the surface of things
Or she will go unnoticed



Hazrat Inayat Khan’s Invocation:

“Towards the one, the perfection of love, harmony and beauty, the only being, united with all the illuminated souls who form the embodiment of the master, the spirit of guidance.”


Hazrat Inayat Khan’s Prescribed Daily Mantra:
“My thoughtful self: Reproach no one. Bear malice towards no one. Hold a grudge against no one. Be wise, tolerant, considerate, polite, and kind to all.”


This is another re-instated blog post from those which mysteriously and suddenly went missing. There were over a hundred posts in all dating from April Fool’s Day, 2013, and as I have occasionally mentioned, the vast bulk of them were wiped out by some apparently malicious entity who got access to the inner workings of my website. And as I have promised, I am gradually (and laboriously) reintroducing them, from back-up files. This is one in a series of those. Also, I should add, this whole debacle explains the gaps you will see in the Archives section. I generally choose which to put back, by those which a new blog post makes reference to. Or as in today when I want to direct a new friend to something I referred to in a letter, but I go to find the post is missing. So, that’s one kick in the butt I use to make sure I keep reposting until I have caught up. And this one is from August 5, 2013.

Gentle Readers,
My how quickly another Monday rolls around! I do hope it wasn’t rash of me to promise a new post every Monday.* But today’s isn’t a problem, as I am merely relating an auto-biographical story, and so it’s under control. That’s my story anyway and I am sticking to it!

So, where were we? I had introduced my beloved friend and art teacher the Venezuelan painter Daniel Casimiro. But up to then I had been focusing on pencil drawings of women’s faces. Don’t know why women’s faces, except that was something I liked to contemplate. Maybe because women, when they have a good heart, tend to show it more, and old obtuse Eric needs all the trappings he can get else it go unrecognized.

But it was time to switch to painting. And, apparently, time to switch to a man’s face. And that man would be the Parsi mystic, Meher Baba.

If you want to know more about me and Meher Baba, I suggest reading the “About” button above, which undertakes to explain my connection. But given an intense connection it should be seen as natural that I would want to paint Meher Baba. Y para precisar, paint his face. Especially since I was captivated by a look Baba had in an old photograph. He had a hand to his face in the proverbial gesture which means, “Now whatever can I do about that?” I fancied that was Baba’s attitude toward me, a person who has been known to take personal solace in Jesus’ famous forgiveness of the prostitute “for she has loved much.” You will laugh but I also fancied myself Maria in the Sound of Music song which went, “How do you solve a problem like Maria?”

Translation: I may have been naughty but I have a good heart.

So step by step I did the painting. It was difficult because the whole thing was to be extrapolated from a photo in an old magazine which was scarcely four by five inches in size and with two men in the picture. Under Dani’s supervision, first I did a pencil drawing, about 16 inches by 20 or so. Then divided that up in a grid, and drew a penciled outline representation of that on a canvas about three feet square. I know it sounds cheaty wheaties but apparently it’s an acceptable crutch for beginners. And actually it only just gets you started with a proportional face etc and then you are on your own!

It gets tricky soon when you have to fill in the painting with three dimensional touches. You know, detail. And I didn’t make it through to the end with that. Because again, fate intervened.

I was visiting an old friend in Santa Barbara California and his wife. Their guest room had a book written by a friend of theirs, cierto Daniel Ladinsky, whom they knew from a Meher Baba ashram in India. This book of poetry was derived from the work of many “saints” (e. g. Rumi, Meister Eckhart, Santa Teresa, Mirabai) and such and was called Love Poems from God. It’s an inspirational book. And doubly so for me because it was the inspiration for my sudden compulsion to write poetry. Perhaps amusingly it was so ‘inspirational” mostly because it gave me permission. I said to myself. Hey so this is poetry too! I could write like this! (One of these earliest poems is the one above)

And so I was writing an average of five poems a day! Who had time for painting? Who had patience with learning a whole new art form since I’d been writing poetry since I was six? Well, twelve.

So poor painting had to go hang (unfinished on the wall). But here it (above) is, fortunately somewhat not showing the differences in detail (it’s interesting I have found, how different and even better a reproduction of a painting may look)

And that was seven years ago. Six thousand “poems” ago. Maybe most are just “finger exercises,” but I do hear the pianists need those.

Well so that’s how I got to be a poet in Guatemala.

I don’t know what we’ll talk about next week. I suspect it will get played by ear. Using the royal we of course, but anytime any of you gentle folk want to chime in with comments, or emails I would like a dialog that really was a “we” thing. Yes even as the French say, a “oui” thing.

God be with you,
Eric Halliwell

*This is as I said a reprint of a post that was vandalized and it is posted today to keep working on replenishing my archives. So, this is being written (and a little rewritten) three years later. And yes from that vantage point (as regular followers will have noticed) I have since decided I cannot keep myself to that schedule. You see, it’s not like most blogs, which give a short update on their theme. No, my posts seem to have taken on a life of their own, and a form in which for instance there are about a thousand words. And it takes a lot of work to do an essay of that length. Even just for the copyediting. Hence my retarded (as it were, ojala–God willing in Spanish) schedule.

A Refreshing Kick in the Butt

My drawing of the Virgin Mary

My drawing of the Virgin Mary

New PR–214
God Is Studying Art
(to Daniel)

I wonder if you could do a talking poem blues
The same perhaps
Without the guitar
But what I’ve got in mind
Should definitely be called the blues but art

You see I was lying in bed
In the middle of the night and
Some muse woke me up to an idea
That this is all just like writing a story:
Every day is an overlay

Every home is a poem
But the next “word” is a sun rise
Because you saw that yesterday
Just like a poet has seen a rose before
And so when the new sun arose

Basically you painted it
And every day on top of every day
It’s like oil painting:
One touch over another with darker contrasts
(Hence the blues)

To make it seem more real more
Three dimensional, as is de rigueur
In this painting of the world
But Dani my art restorer friend
Tells me that he traces underneath the previous

Versions of God
Knows what the artist or us
(In this case)
Was trying to say but every day is subtly new
Something you wrote out of yesterday

And the rest of your back story’s foreshadowings
But this is God’s story too because
(Didn’t you know?)
God is studying art:
We are his poem and He is painting our music

And it wasn’t really our sunrise
It belonged to a wiser owl than thou
And if
(Up to now)
We’ve been fooled

It’s because God’s got one heaven
Of an imagination
And all this is His bedtime story
And He’s sticking to it until you wise (and wake) up:
That’s what education means


Hazrat Inayat Khan’s Invocation:

“Towards the one, the perfection of love, harmony and beauty, the only being, united with all the illuminated souls who form the embodiment of the master, the spirit of guidance.”


Hazrat Inayat Khan’s Prescribed Daily Mantra:
“My thoughtful self: Reproach no one. Bear malice towards no one. Hold a grudge against no one. Be wise, tolerant, considerate, polite, and kind to all.”


Gentle Readers,

This is another reinstallation of a lost post (for apparently an act of vandalism) from 2013, the current series of which is biographical, detailing how I ended up living in Guatemala, and devoting myself to metaphysical poetry.*

Okay, so we’ll continue from the last post with my art teacher friend, Daniel, or Dani, depende de tu capricho (as per your whim). The opening poem from the last post was dedicated to him. As was today’s.

Dani is a sweetheart. Charismatic for the sweetness of his smile, but none the less a refreshing kick in the butt for a budding would-be artist. Dani needed money and I like being a patron of the arts. Not to mention my giant lead-up to this moment in which I was ripe for an art experiment. So I hired Dani, the expert artist, to give me art lessons.

There are two parallel tracks here (as befits a trainload of fate). The first is my friendship with Dani, which was as I mentioned last time, slow to develop, since we didn’t speak the same language. But I have always prided myself on my ability to learn languages.** Not to mention it was driving me nuts not being able to communicate.

For instance, I got invited to a party but it was an all Spanish thing. It was so frustrating to see one after another of the party people telling apparently hilarious stories with everyone taking turns laughing on the floor.

And of course Dani is Guatemala’s answer to Jean-Louis Barrault (the nonpareil actor, director, and mime)***And so even if you don’t quite get the punch line, Dani still has you on the floor. But what with all this pressure, pretty soon Dani and I could communicate to the point of meaningful conversation. Of course that was more important later when we were talking about my poetry. But here we are still in my art phase of exploration.

But the second fate track is my “self-actualization”**** process, first with art, though soon segueing to poetry.

But Dani got me started in the art part.

Even before, during my much earlier adventures stateside with the Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain book,***** I had been mostly fascinated by faces, especially women’s. Most especially, for some reason, the Virgin Mary (See above for the drawing I did of her after Dani’s art lessons. (I sold it for $150 dollars–I guess that makes me a professional artist!)******

So of course that was one of my art projects. In Antigua was a wonderful little library that allowed gringos to check out books, including art books. And when I found a reproduction of a 400 year old painting of Mary by Alonso Cano, well I just had to draw it.

And speaking of drawing, I fear reader overload and so I’ll be drawing to a close here and we’ll get next time into the painting part of my road.
God be with you,
Eric Halliwell

*As in these posts:

**For instance, when I was 17, I wrote this poem in French for my girlfriend on the occasion of giving her flowers:
Ce sont de moi quelques fleurs
Qui expriment pour toi mon amour.
Les fleurs, elles sont mortes dans des heures
Mais ton memoire vit joujours
Dans mon Coeur.

Rough translation:

Here’s some flowers from me
That express my love for you.
The flowers die within hours but
Your memory lives always
In my heart

*** For info about this incredible artist of the theater, see http://www.biography.com/people/jean-louis-barrault-9199946#theatrical-and-film-career
I have a DVD of his classic Les Enfants du Paradis, (children of Paradise) practically my favorite film.

****See Maslow from last post, and this https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-actualization

*****Which I highly recommend to any who would love to do drawing but who feel hopelessly incompetent. It worked for me (and all her students. You should see the before and afters in her book which is an easy to follow set of art lessons, from basic to more advanced, with great kick in the pants explanations which inspire you to believe in her method, soon reinforced by wonderful results. You can order it from amazon (I’ve mixed feelings about amazon but they are so damned convenient!):

******This is a Sufi blog, and so I will mention a Sufi-oriented aside. I have heard that the Sufis particularly in Anatolia (Turkey), have always had a pronounced interest in Jesus’ mother, as an object of reverence. People often forget that to the Muslims, Jesus too was a prophet and as such, coequal with Mohammed.

Your Inner Harpsichord

Abraham Maslow

Abraham Maslow


A Favorite Face of God

(To Daniel)

If you don’t know where to start
(What to give someone
Who has everything)

Just do sweet things for God

Whose heart’s conveniently at hand:
Just pick like a flower
A favorite face of God

Just do sweet things for a friend

Attempted Spanish translation:

Una Favorita Cara de Dios
(Para Daniel)

Si no sabes
Por donde comenzar

(Cual cosa que dar para una
Persona que ya tiene todo)

Solo haz dulces cosas
Para Dios cuya corazon esta

Convenientamente a tu lado:
Solo escoger

Como coger una flor
Una favorita cara de Dios

Solo haz dulces cosas
Para un amigo


Hazrat Inayat Khan’s Invocation:

“Towards the one, the perfection of love, harmony and beauty, the only being, united with all the illuminated souls who form the embodiment of the master, the spirit of guidance.”


Hazrat Inayat Khan’s Prescribed Daily Mantra:
“My thoughtful self: Reproach no one. Bear malice towards no one. Hold a grudge against no one. Be wise, tolerant, considerate, polite, and kind to all.”


Gentle Readers,

(This is another reinstallation of a lost post–for apparently an act of vandalism–from 2013, the current series of which is biographical, detailing how I ended up living in Guatemala, and devoting myself to metaphysical poetry)*

Let’s see how far I can push this fate metaphor.

So here I am, year 2002, newly installed in Guatemala, newly unencumbered by job or stateside girlfriend, with no reason to have to go back to California, and its constant concomitant economic struggle. For instance, maintain a car, insurance, gasoline, pay the rent, the utility bills, etc. Way too much to manage as a pensioner. So work in California would be necessary, and let’s face it, after you’ve spent the day harassing the wolf at your door, you’re pretty spent yourself. And good luck with that art project, that expressing your heart project.

Read about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs** and you‘ll notice the self-actualization part (the art part) is at the top of the pyramid. Which means everything below it has to be satisfied first. Only then can you begin to quench your thirst for self-expression.

Which means everything below (with its broader and broader base) comes first. For some reason, survival tops creativity. Go figure. And actually, a disturbing case could be made that love is a luxury–so I thank God for divine philanthropy!

Alternatively, here in Guatemala I was economically liberated, what with savings, two pensions, cheap rent, cheap food, etc. etc. I even have a combination maid, cook, and butler person who comes in three times a week—an utter and total sweetheart by the way—and guess what? I taught Alicia to cook! Or at least how to cook gringo cuisine, of which she’d been particularly ignorant. (as opposed to hotshot me)

For example for her first lesson, I gave her two separate recipes. One for coleslaw, and the other for bread pudding. She got the notion that it was all one recipe, and so mixed cabbage, mayonnaise red onions, and freshly ground black pepper into the custard. (Her chickens ate farty-hearty that night!) Yet now her piecrust is flakier than mine! (And I’m pretty flakey!)

But I digress.

So I decided to take advantage of my big chance at Mayan pyramid climbing. But as I said last week, there were issues, like which art do I choose? And once again, fate took the tiller in hand.

Now I’d been writing poems since I was fourteen. Even one in French! And the only art I’d dabbled in was around 1983, when I’d persevered with the wonderful book, Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. So I knew of the soul-satisfying repose that accompanies an artistic fugue state. (Especially on your inner harpsichord!) And I did well (As does EVERYONE who gives this wonderful book a chance). And so I was open to the visual arts when, again, fate intervened.

And as usual it was in the form of some illusory romance, which for me seems (so far) to have served the same purpose as the proverbial carrot on a stick dangled in front of a donkey (to keep him moving forward).

So one day I am in Deliciosa, the little specialty store in Antigua, mostly frequented by gringos (looking for those otherwise hard to find gringo-fancied things) but this day also by a statuesque Chilena, denombre Maria Eugenia. She was of Palestinian extraction, though her family lived in Chile, and so she was quite tall (5’ 10”) both for a woman anywhere but especially so in Guatemala where the indigenous women can range as short as four foot six. So she stood out. And we caught each others’ eyes, but what’s a guy supposed to do, amble over and say, “Didn’t we just have a moment there?”

So of course, I, this shy guy (with women) just smiled back as invitingly as I could, and left the store. I was headed to my then apartment just beyond Parque San Sebastian. And she must have left just after, but by a different two sides of the same giant rectangle we described, me going home and her going to visit her best friend, a gay artist, who lived hard by the park. So when she turned the corner, I turned the same corner from the other direction and suddenly there we were, eyes inches apart. And of course we had then the icebreaker of our “moment” in the store. I couldn’t foment the “moment” before but with this fated coincidence filling my sails it was full speed ahead and it turned out what with her studying to speak better English, and me Spanish, we soon hatched a plan to meet and help each other out. Mutuamente. And so we spent the next three days together, at least during most of the waking hours, having fascinating conversations. She was like Bette Davis off on a witty monologue which at the end each time was punctuated by some hilarious twist on the situation. So I was good and hooked. Would have been bad and hooked but she wasn’t interested in that. And through much pursuit never could I quite get her to pull that trigger. But she did say, you have to meet my best friend, the fateful Dani, short for Daniel. (The aforementioned artist).

It took a while for the friendship with Dani to take off. Because he didn’t know English and I didn’t know Spanish. I’d managed with Maria Eugenia because she knew a species of English. Her problem was mainly she didn’t know the past tense and so while there was for that some initial confusion as to if she was a practising present-day polyandrist. But by and large she had command of English sufficient to keep the communication amusing as hell.

I wrote her a romantic poem (My first in Spanish! I wish I had preserved it. I showed it to a new half gringo half Guatemalan friend who said if a guy were to have given her such a poem it would have made her weak in the knees) but Maria Eugenia (also known as Sheny as for some reason all the Maria Eugenias in these parts are also so nicknamed) got scared and by a fateful coincidence was offered lucrative employment far away, and though I did end up inheriting her apartment (with the patio view of nothing but the natural, the floral even, except in the distance the oxidized copper green dome of a two hundred year old cathedral, and a volcano not seven miles away, which at night featured a ribbon of red lava trickling down the left hand side, like the left hand of God.)

I think she threw me her apartment like one throws a roast to detain a dog to cover one’s retreat. She later allowed as how I’d been too tempting for comfort. That was flattering so I made do with that.

And so then there was just me and Dani, the fabulous Venezuelan artist, who became my art teacher.

So the fate theme is still hanging in there, tale-wise. Asi que more next week.
God be with you,
Eric Halliwell

*Any who would like to see the earlier in this series of how_I-got-to-Guatemala reinstallments are referred to these urls:

**In case any want a Maslow refresher course, check this out: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs